The Key to Immortality
I have mixed a new cocktail that I believe may be the very key to immortality, although I would prefer to call it Derby Sangria. Take one pint glass and fill it with solid frozen fruit such as pineapple, peaches, grapes or strawberries. Peaches work best, although all four at once is equally awesome. The fruit should definitely sit in the freezer for 24 hours prior to the mixing though. Pour three shots of your favorite whiskey into this frozen mess. OBVIOUSLY, your favorite whiskey should be form Kentucky (read: LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY). The Derby's coming up, dummy. Put what you have into the fridge again for fifteen to twenty minutes to let the whiskey cool with the fruit. Pull the glass out and fill the rest with gingerale. Stir or let sit before tasting. Now you have Derby Sangria. Don't drive heavy machinery or horses.
Replies to This Topic
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Permalink Reply by Sgt Schulz on -
“In Soviet Russia, whiskey gets pissed on you!” - an old saying, its why folks prefer to drink the vodka as that is one of the BETTER reviews about the unique quality of Russian whiskey.
The Whiskey distillation process in Russia is unique - Whiskey is produced in large automated distilleries. These factories do not rely on small-vat fermentation and small-batch distillation; instead they use the techniques of any chemical-production plant. Typically the mass-production of whiskey involves mixing coal tar, lye, treacle, soap plant effluent, and raw alcohol in tanks the size of Glasgow. After mixing the whiskey is aged for up to five minutes before bottling. Things have not improved much lately & the Vodka is a WAY better deal!
Id prefer to substitute Vodka!
And as for the immortality part, I know that when my time comes I will calmly, quietly & resolutely REFUSE TO GO !!!!
Irish whiskey on the other hand is MUCH better, and quite acceptable !
Today, Irish whiskey remains a cornerstone of Irish heritage (lunch, dinner, breakfast, bathing), and many tests to determine Irish heritage require an alcohol blood volume of at least 75% whiskey to be accurate.
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Permalink Reply by Sgt Schulz on
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Kentucky whiskey is different from Irish & Russian though, as it is refined in smaller batches The brewer soaks the basic ingredients in pure ditchwater and allows them to ferment until a thick mat of an amazing primitive lifeform, have formed on the surface of the vat. but its a life form which is shortly killed or dying from alcohol poisoning. He then draws off the fluid from beneath the twitching, gurgling growth, and he then rushes off to distill this precious sour mash.
Since alcohol boils at the same temperature as naphtha, the brewer places the sour mash in a contort and adds petroleum distillates to taste. He then heats the contort by shouting at it until the water in the solution explodes, leaving the alcohol and petroleum. If the brewer is still alive after the explosion he uses shredded newspaper to absorb the petroleum. The end result is an amber liquid consisting of 90% alcohol, 6% fractionated kerosene, and 5% trinitrotoluene.
Next the distiller drinks half of his product and puts the rest into carefully selected and seasoned 55-gallon steel drums stolen from a garbage tip. After ten days (for a whiskey advertised as "beechwood aged for a minimum of one year") he opens the drums and cuts the liquor 50% with more ditchwater. This step prevents the whiskey from detonating unexpectedly during shipment.
The final product is now ready for advertising in glossy magazines !!!
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Permalink Reply by Annihalator James on -
CindiLuHui said:p.s. Nice arse!
Thanks!
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Permalink Reply by Bloodyanne on -
Thank you for your enlightening descriptions. Once again I have learned so much!
Sgt Schulz said:Kentucky whiskey is different from Irish & Russian though, as it is refined in smaller batches The brewer soaks the basic ingredients in pure ditchwater and allows them to ferment until a thick mat of an amazing primitive lifeform, have formed on the surface of the vat. but its a life form which is shortly killed or dying from alcohol poisoning. He then draws off the fluid from beneath the twitching, gurgling growth, and he then rushes off to distill this precious sour mash.
Since alcohol boils at the same temperature as naphtha, the brewer places the sour mash in a contort and adds petroleum distillates to taste. He then heats the contort by shouting at it until the water in the solution explodes, leaving the alcohol and petroleum. If the brewer is still alive after the explosion he uses shredded newspaper to absorb the petroleum. The end result is an amber liquid consisting of 90% alcohol, 6% fractionated kerosene, and 5% trinitrotoluene.
Next the distiller drinks half of his product and puts the rest into carefully selected and seasoned 55-gallon steel drums stolen from a garbage tip. After ten days (for a whiskey advertised as "beechwood aged for a minimum of one year") he opens the drums and cuts the liquor 50% with more ditchwater. This step prevents the whiskey from detonating unexpectedly during shipment.
The final product is now ready for advertising in glossy magazines !!!
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Permalink Reply by Annihalator James on
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So, I made some of these last night, and in the interest of SCIENCE, I used Ketucky bourbon. It was tasty, the girls all admired me, and all, so it was nice. Problem was, the girls didn't want to drink something that big, so I drank theirs, and now I feel like I would prefer NOT to live forever!
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